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Nameless ~A Story Of Faith
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Originally, I wanted to title this blog “Be Assertive!” Then I realized I need to set the foundation before we get into the why and how of being assertive.
There are three types of communication styles; Passive, Assertive and Aggressive. It can get more complex like being Passive Aggressive or Passive Assertive, etc. For today let’s look at these three styles. We’re going to look at each of them in relation to General Info, Their Beliefs, Their Eyes, Their Posture, Their Hands and Consequences. Let’s get started…
Passive: Passive people are generally compliant, talk little, submissive, puts self down, praise other and have vague non-committal communication. “I don’t mind… that’s fine… yes, alright.”
Assertive: Generally, an assertive person is firm but polite, has a clear message and is respectful of others and themselves. Their actions and expressions match the words they speak. “That’s a good idea, and how about if we do this too…” or “I can see that but I’d really like…”
Aggressive: Most aggressive people are harsh and sarcastic and think they’re always right. They are superior and seem to know it all. They interrupt and talk over others. They are critical and patronizing. They also put others down and disrespect them. “This is what we’re doing. If you don’t like it, too bad!”
Passive: The passive person thinks You’re okay, I’m not. They don’t have an opinion other than the other person is more important, so it doesn’t matter what they think.
Assertive: The assertive person believes I’m okay, you’re okay. This person believes and acts as if all people involved are equal. Each person deserves respect. Nobody is more entitled than anyone else.
Aggressive: The aggressive person feels entitled to have things done their way. They think they deserve that because they are right. They believe other people (and their needs) are less important.
Passive: Avoiding eye contact and often looking away are traits of a passive person. They look down and are often teary and pleading.
Assertive: The eyes of the assertive person are usually warm, friendly and welcoming. They are comfortable making eye contact.
Aggressive: An aggressive person’s eyes are narrow and emotionless. They may stare and be expressionless.
Passive: Passive people tend to make their body appear smaller than it really is. They tend to stoop, have hunched shoulders and lean.
Assertive: A relaxed posture that is warm and welcoming would be from an assertive person.
Aggressive: The aggressive person makes their body seem bigger than usual. They stand upright with their head held high. Their shoulders are usually out and often have their hands on their hips and fists clenched.
Passive: The hands of a passive person are often fidgety, clammy and held together.
Assertive: An assertive person usually has their hands open and uses friendly and proper gestures.
Aggressive: When someone points, makes fists and has their hands on their hips, it’s probably an aggressive communication style.
Passive: Often, the passive person will give in to others easily. They don’t usually get what they want or need. They are often self-critical in their thoughts, and maybe even their words. They are miserable. People often take advantage of the passive person.
Assertive: People with an assertive communication style usually have good relationships with others. They are happy with the outcome of situations and are often willing to compromise to find the WIN/WIN solution.
Aggressive: An aggressive person makes many enemies. They often upset others and themselves. They feel angry and resentful.
What communication style are you? Did you find which style you are? Did you find yourself thinking, “Oh, that is definitely __________!” ? I know I did!
Most of my life I was the passive person. Just recently I’ve been becoming more assertive. It’s still difficult with certain people in my life –the aggressive ones! What I’ve found is that when I’m passive I let things build up to the point that I explode over something trivial. I’m much more loving, efficient and productive when I am consistently assertive.
Please share this with the people you know and love. Then come back next week as we look at Responding to Criticism. How do these three communication styles respond? What is the most effective way to respond to criticism?
Now, just a quick update on my book. I’ve had my private release on Sunday, February 12th. I will be at Heritage Christian Book Store in St Catharines from 1 to 3pm on Saturday, March 4th for the Public Launch. If you haven’t purchased your autographed copy of NAMELESS ~A Story of Faith, yet, please come to the Public Launch or go to my website to buy it. Also, the e-book version will be available for $10.00 next week!
What is negative self talk? It is when we say things to ourselves –or think things– that are negative.
Negative self talk is one of the most important factors in chronic anxiety and depression and bipolar. The key is learning to recognize it. So many times I’ve heard people say nasty things to themselves or about themselves, and they don’t even realize how damaging it is.
A great thing to ask yourself is this: Would I say that to someone else? For example, some people have said, “I’m so fat!” Would you say that to someone else? Or, “You’re so stupid!” Come on! I KNOW you wouldn’t say that to someone else! So, why do we say it to ourselves?
We need to realize we have to look after ourselves first. If you’ve been on an airplane, you know the routine they go through… if the masks fall from the ceiling of the cabin, put yours on FIRST, then help children and the elderly. Why? It’s because if we are not taking care of ourselves FIRST, we cannot help others as effectively.
This was really hard for me to learn. I felt guilty. I had to learn to say no to people because it wasn’t in my best interest. I was wearing myself out trying to please everyone and do everything people asked me to do. Learn to say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to explain. And remember, we can’t always please everyone!
So, once you learn to recognize the negative self talk there are some strategies to carry out to help you overcome it. Remember, it’s a habit, so it'll take time. Don’t give up! When you find yourself in negative self talk, let it go and be positive. Keep trying! You can do it!
Here are some strategies:
1-Learn to have compassion for yourself. Don’t over work yourself. Like I just shared, my health and my needs took a back burner to what other people wanted. I was sick, in pain and exhausted. When I learned to show love and compassion to myself I felt better and I was more effective in helping the people I chose to help. Some examples of self compassion would be a relaxing bath, read a good book, take a walk, go for a swim, watch a movie, go to a concert, or play a game. Do something just for the sake of enjoying yourself. You deserve it!
2– Learn to talk yourself out of being afraid. Admit it: you’re afraid. We all have fears. For me, it’s elevators and closed spaces. I used to avoid elevators. Now I face them. I talk myself through it. “I’m okay. I’m almost there. I’m an overcomer!” Afterward, I feel such a sense of accomplishment! Another common fear is the fear of the unknown. That one has plagued me for years. For example; going to a new event or a new place. Who will be there? What will happen? Or the opportunity to go to a new city? To overcome that one I focus on what positive things could come out of it. I realize if I don’t face the challenge I will be missing out on something amazing!
3– Learn to praise yourself more often. Do you ever say out loud, “Good job!” You’ve said it to other people, right? Why not say it to yourself? When I was in my twenties, after my experience in Guatemala, where guerillas ambushed us, shot at us, took us hostage at gun point, robbed and tied us up and left us abandoned in a pit (sounds like a good movie, doesn’t it?) I went to a counselor for the first time. She helped me realize something about myself. I’m very goal oriented. The challenge was when I accomplished my goal I didn’t take time to relish the accomplishment and praise myself. I made another goal and went to work on accomplishing it. When I learned to celebrate my accomplishments I felt more self-confidence and self-worth.
4– Learn to talk to yourself in a soothing, relaxing and comfortable manner. Keep in mind the question I asked earlier: Would you say that to someone else? Would you say it to a child? Is it helpful to lash out at yourself in anger? Or would it be more helpful if you chose to “reset” and try again. Give yourself some grace and mercy. You’re not perfect! Nobody is! So be kind to yourself!
5– Learn to use positive dialogue instead of negative dialogue when you feel you have failed at something or done something wrong. As I said, we all make mistakes. Here’s some examples: Instead of saying, “All I do is make mistakes.” try saying, “Sometimes I make mistakes and sometimes I don't; just like everybody else.” or “Making mistakes means I’m trying and I’m learning.” Another example is; instead of saying, “I can’t find a job.” try saying, “There is something out there for me and I’m in the process of finding it.” Instead of saying, “My pain will never stop.” try saying, “I am in pain a lot, but when I stick to my medication schedule it’s not as bad and I get some relief.” Here’s a good one: instead of saying, “Life sucks!” try saying, “Sometimes life does suck and other times life is amazing.” or “Sometimes life does suck and other times there are pleasurable, fun and beautiful things.”
6– Learn to replace negative thoughts and comments with positive ones. This is similar to my last point. For example, saying, “I’m not going to finish my work on time.” is not positive. It doesn’t build you up and make you feel good and confident. Try saying, “I believe a schedule can help me get it done and I can always hire a tutor.” or “I’m already 3/4 done; I can finish the last 1/4 on time.” Do you see how the last two sentences lead to more confidence and positivity? Another example would be, “I’m going to get sick.” Try saying, “I’m not feeling well and I’m taking extra care of myself to feel better quickly.” Choose your words and thoughts wisely.
A couple more thoughts on how to overcome negative self talk is G.I.G.O. Have you heard of that? It’s an acronym for Garbage In/ Garbage Out. I learned this in high school and it has stuck with me (that’s a LONG time ago!) Ask yourself, what am I watching, listening to and reading? Who am I associating with? I rarely watch the news anymore because it’s 95% negative. If I have the choice between a band that sings about death and suicide or one that sings about being a overcomer, I’m going to choose the overcomer! I read a lot of self-development books.
This point includes the people we associate with. I’ve had to disassociate from some people I loved. I had one dear friend that was such a toxic relationship I literally moved out of the apartment building to get away from her. It was so bad I was afraid to leave my apartment because I didn’t want to see her in the hall. However, I’ve never had such a powerful connection with anyone in crafting. Together we were amazingly creative. As much as I was glad to get rid of the toxicity, I missed her. It was really hard! I grieved for her. In the end it was the right decision and I’m glad I did it. Some people come into our lives for a season. I choose to remember the good times and go on with life and friends that build me up instead of tearing me down and controlling me.
Amita Pafel said, “Remember where attention goes, energy flows. So why not cultivate more of what you want instead of what you don’t want.”
Remember, if you haven’t ordered your autographed copy of my book Nameless ~A Story of Faith you can do it right now by going to Www.TLRPublishing.com
Before I get into the ten stages of grief, let me share a bit of my experience with grief. Let me preface my story by acknowledging that grief comes in many forms. Death is only one form of grief. We may have lost our job, or lost our house, or gone through divorce. Essentially, grief is when we suffer loss.
When I was 19 yrs old I had a husband, a 2 yr old son and a 6 month old daughter. Life was great! We were poor, but we had love and we had God.
My daughter had always seemed to have a cold. Most of her life she’d been on antibiotics. One Wednesday I took her to the doctor. The night before it sounded to me like the cold had gone into her chest. She had been wheezing. I’ve had asthma since I was a child, so as soon as I heard it, I felt like I couldn’t breath. I immediately empathized with her because I knew what it was like to feel like your chest is heavy and no matter how hard you try you just can’t catch your breath.
The doctor told me she was fine. He listened to her chest and said it was clear. I argued with him, explaining because I have asthma I know what it sounds like and she was definitely wheezing the night before. I admitted he was right, she wasn’t wheezing then. He told me it was in her throat and the sound reverberated which made it sound like it was in her chest.
When I was 19, I had very low self-esteem and almost zero self-confidence but I was adamant she had wheezed the night before. This was one of the rare times I stood up for what I believed. I asked him to send her to a specialist. I pointed out that she’d almost always been on antibiotics since she was born. He said she was developing well and her weight was good. He suggested we wait another month and revisit the idea. I gave in.
Saturday night my husband and I went out for date night. When we came home the babysitter told us Wendy had a hard time breathing. By 5:00 Sunday morning we decided to take her to Emergency. The doctor admitted her to the hospital. Within a few hours our family doctor looked at her. He said to me, “Remember when you brought her in to my office and asked me to send her to a specialist? Well, I’m going to send her to a specialist, so he can see what she’s like when she’s sick.”
The truth was, she was extremely sick and was beyond his ability to help her. She NEEDED a specialist. She went to Orillia hospital by ambulance. Even at that hospital, nobody told me she was critically ill.
A few hours later, she had settled and was resting well. Neither my husband nor I had eaten all day and it was dinner time. We decided to go out and get something to eat and stop by a friend’s house to see if we could spend the night at their place. We told the nurses. Later they told thought we were going to the cafeteria to get some food.
When we got to ours friends’ house I called the hospital to check in on Wendy. The nurse that answered was frantic. She demanded the phone number that the doctor could reach me at. I didn’t even know it. As my friend relayed her phone number to me I gave it to the nurse.
I got off the phone and started explaining to my husband and friend what happened. I didn’t even finish my sentence before the phone rang. It was the doctor. That was the worst phone call of my life.
He told me that her heart had failed. He was there when it happened and he was able to resuscitate her. He explained that she was on life support. Due to the length of time that her brain had been without oxygen, if she lived she would most likely be a vegetable. She would not be able to do anything except lay in bed. It was imperative that we get there immediately.
Within minutes we were standing outside her room in the hallway. The nurses tried to prepare us by telling us that she had a lot of wires hooked up to her to help her breathe and measure her oxygen levels. Nothing they said could have prepared me for the sight that met my eyes when I saw my baby girl!
I could barely see her for all the wires and tubes and beeping machines and flashing lights. In a state of shock I stood at the end of her bed with my husband’s arm around me. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and looked right at us. She gave us a big smile. My heart was in my throat. My poor baby!
I reached out to her, put my hand on her little chest and started to pray for her. Within seconds she went into cardiac arrest again. The nurses showed my husband and I to a private room while the doctor went to work on resuscitating her.
While we sat in that room, a nurse came in. She told us Wendy was breathing again. Then we heard a message over the PA system. It called for the crash cart. A nurse came in. She told us to pray. Wendy was in arrest again. After several minutes the nurse returned. She said the doctor had resuscitated her.
It went back and forth like this over the next hour or so. Time was irrelevant.
I began to remember one of my favorite book series, Love Comes Softly, by Janette Oke. In one of the books, Clarke, the father had his legs amputated and was dying from gangrene and infection. It was a pioneer love story. Missie, the grown daughter and Marty, the mother were praying together for God to heal him.
I remember that the mother asked God to heal him if it was His will. Missie got angry at her mother for praying that way. She wanted her father healed, no questions asked. Marty explained to her daughter that Clarke was a man of God and would want God’s will done. If it was his time to go home to heaven that’s what he would want. In the story Clarke recovered and went on to live many years.
Sitting in that hospital room, I felt the gentle voice of God saying to me, “Wendy is my child. It’s time for her to come home. You need to let her go.”
I fought against it in my mind. I prayed harder. I knew she was dying –in fact had died several times already. But she was MY baby girl! She was beautiful! She was perfect! I had faith. I really believed that God could do a miracle and heal her completely. I believed she would not be a vegetable. I believed!
Finally, I relented. I gave her back to God and prayed that His will be done. I shared this experience with my husband who was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room praying for a miracle.
His face was hard and he said “No!” as he shook his head.
I began praying for my husband. At this point Wendy was in arrest again. It had been a very long time since she went into arrest. I knew the doctor and nurses were working hard to resuscitate her again. It had been such a long time. I knew in my heart that she was gone. I kept praying for my husband.
I looked over at him. He had his head bowed and he looked so dejected. He looked up at me and gave me a nod. I knew he had made peace with God and given our little girl back to Him.
Within 30 seconds the doctor came into the room with the news that he couldn’t do anything more for her. Wendy had died. God was such a gentlemen that He waited until we had both released our hold on her.
Although I was in a state of shock and couldn’t understand how something so tragic could happen to us, I had the peace of God, knowing that He was with us every step of the way. I knew she was in His loving arms and would never suffer again.
That doesn’t mean that I didn’t ache for her or that I didn’t go through the many stages of grief –I certainly did. I even got mad at God one day. That spring several people I loved passed away. When I heard the news of a friend of the family committing suicide by driving her car head on into oncoming traffic, with her little girl in the car with her, I lost it. I yelled and screamed at God. My husband tried to hold me. I beat on his chest. I was so angry! How many more loved ones was God going to take away from me? How much loss could one person stand?
The thing about the many stages of grief is there is no order to it. I experienced different stages at different times. And when I went through one stage, that didn’t mean it wouldn’t come back. It’s not like a written test where you’re done that section and it’s done. It was more like a cycle that kept going around and around.
It did help to recognize the cycles. It helped me realize that what I was feeling was normal. It really helped knowing that other people experienced similar feelings to me. Nobody feels the exact same thing. No two people’s experiences are the same. Even my husband’s experience was different than mine.
For him, people would ask how I was doing. He was hurt and angry that people expected because he was the man he wasn’t grieving too. Or maybe that he didn’t love her as much as I did. Or maybe that he wasn’t hurting as much as I was. He was hurting and grieving just as much as I was.
In the first few days after Wendy died, I was angry at people saying, “I know it hurts.” I felt like saying, “Do you? How do you know? Did you have a child die?”
Yet, when my mom’s neighbor walked in, she didn’t say a word. Before she even walked across the room to me I felt the healing begin. SHE KNEW it hurt. Her son (and my school mate) had been accidentally shot and killed by one of our school mates the year before. She knew the agonizing pain of losing a child. She knew that in those times a hug speaks volumes and words aren't needed.
A few weeks later I received a letter in the mail with a small book enclosed. The book entitled Good Grief, is out of print now. The letter was from a woman I’ve never met. She heard about my loss and she had lost her son. She shared my grief. Her letter was so encouraging and strengthening to me.
The book, by Granger E. Westberg, had great information in it. I read it several times. I am a stronger person today, because of that book, and because of those two mom’s, and because of the entire experience of losing my daughter.
So, let’s look at ten of the stages of grief:
He said, “You didn’t die –Wendy did! You need to get on with your life! Open the curtains! Turn on the lights! Put some music on!” With that he walked out to the car.
Needless to say, a fresh torrent of tears washed down my face. Mom held me and crooned that Dad loves me and hates to see me hurting and he wants the best for me. I sure wasn’t feeling the love!
He began to honk the horn and Mom had to go. After they left, I collapsed on the couch. I was so hurt at the way Dad had spoken to me. How could he? Didn’t he know I was grieving? My baby was DEAD!!
I don’t know how long I sobbed on the couch. At some point, though, the love crept into my brain. I began to wonder if he was right. Maybe it was time for me to get on with my life. Maybe I should open the curtains and let the sunshine in. Maybe I should turn on the lights and put on some music. Music always cheered me up.
Eventually, I got off the couch and did what my Dad suggested. That day was a turning point in my journey with grief. It was a bitter pill to swallow. I’m thankful my Mom tried to sweeten it with hugs. It was hard to make that decision, but slowly hope did come back into my life. I realized life does go on.
10. Affirm Reality –Please don’t get me wrong. When you go through a grieving experience you never go back to being your old self again. You are always a different person. You’ll either be stronger or weaker, depending on how you deal with grief. Or IF you deal with grief. Some people don’t work through it for months or even years.
I remember about 2 weeks after Wendy passed, reading a devotional called, When Tragedy Strikes. It said that when we face tragedy we can allow it to come between us and God and push us away from God, or we can allow it to come behind us and push us closer to God. I chose to do the latter of the two.
It wasn’t easy. It was still hard, even though I felt God’s love and presence in my life. I still ached to hold my baby girl. I still had to work through my grief. I still had to choose to let it make me stronger. I did not become the strong woman I am today over night. It’s like an athlete. They work hard to gain the strength and endurance they have. Grief is hard work! But you can do it!
Finally, I want to leave you with a quote. It comes from Rabbi Joshua Leibman’s book Peace of Mind. He says, “The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard, and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk that road with us.”
Please post your comments below. I look forward to hearing from you!
|Debbie Michael @ 2017-02-14 16:03:35|
|Tammy, you commented on my blog a couple of weeks ago. I am just now getting back to reading my comments, and the link to your blog.I am so sorry for your loss. I understand. I lost a son. And I understand too that I could not have withstood that experience without the sure knowledge of God being in my pain with me. Thanks for sharing your story. In my Introductions post, I mentioned many links but not to my most read post of all time. It is finished. http://bit.ly/2l95tH4|
Although I’ve been writing for over 20 years, I’m new to blogging. As you know I’ve been blogging for a couple of months now.
I’m enrolled in a few writing courses. One of the first things that I’ve learned is that it’s important to write about what your readers want to read about. So, for this week’s blog, I’ve decided to share some of my interests and experiences with you. Then I’d like you to share with me which ones you want to hear more about.
Of course, it is easiest to write about the things that I have experienced. Therefore, I’m going to summarize my life, as best I can for you today.
I grew up in a poor and abusive family. I was molested when I was 11 years old. Just in those two short sentences, it opens up many subjects of interest…
#Wealth #Poverty #SurvivingAbuse #SignsofAbuse #DealingWithMolestation
When I was 19 years old my 6 month old daughter suddenly died. I took her to the doctor on a Wednesday and he said she was fine. By 10:00 Sunday night she was dead. Grief? Yes, I’ve learned a few things about grief! #Grief #SIDS
In 1993 I was on a missions trip to Guatemala. We went there to take clothing, toys and medicine to the people. We were also going to build a church for them. After we landed in Guatemala City, the 13 of us squashed into an extended van where we started our 4 1/2 hour trek down the Pan American Hiway to our destination in Retahleleu.
About midnight, when we were half way there, most of us were lulled asleep in the darkness and the silence of the drive. Into the blackness flashed the muzzles of 3 or 4 guns. The driver of a half ton truck turned on his lights after trailing us in the dark. The group of 4 or 5 robbers pulled along side us, then in front of us, putting on the brakes, causing our van to ram into their truck.
Ever the optimist, I thought it was some teenagers throwing fireworks. My friends were scrambling to the floor and I continued to sit on the front bench seat. The woman beside me shouted up from the floor, “Get down! You’re gonna get shot!”
Okay, this blog could get very long if I don’t sum up this story. We were robbed, tied up and left abandoned in a pit. During the hostage one of the bandits held the gun an inch in front of my forehead.
I know what it is to face fear, death, anxiety and panic. I know trauma. I was penniless in a foreign country. Even with the other 12 people in my group I felt completely alone. After this, I felt like I had a 2nd chance at life.
#Ambushed #Hostage #Robbed #Abandoned #Alone
During my recovery I suffered many panic attacks and learned to manage life with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). #PanicAttacks #PTSD
Later in life, after 15 years of marriage, I went through a difficult divorce. A few times I’ve had to start my life all over again and build it from the ground up. I’ve had a few of my own businesses. I’m still learning what works and what doesn’t work in different industries.
#Divorce #ReStart #Business101
For 7 years I was in an abusive relationship. Even after being arrested and going to jail for assaulting me, I stayed with him for an additional 6 years. Now, I understand some of the reasons people continue to go back to their abusers. I also have some idea about reaching out for help and creating an emergency escape plan –which is how I finally escaped in 2007.
#Abuse #EmergencyEscapePlan #WhyPeopleStayinAbusiveRelationships
Since I was a teenager I dealt with undiagnosed mental health issues. I battled with suicide attempts for over 20 years until 2009 when I came up with a solid plan to end it all. As I was closing my eyes in death I realized that I had finally done it. I was dying. Thankfully, God’s love reached out to me in those last seconds before I closed my eyes and gave me the strength to cry out for help.
After spending 3 days unconscious in the hospital, and 6 more in the psych ward, I began my recovery. Now I have a 3rd chance at life. Two near-death experiences are enough for me!
So, I can share about suicide and mental health. I’m thankful that today there are more and more people speaking out about mental health and suicide. Howie Mandel has stepped up to the plate as well as many others.
#MentalHealth #LetsTalk #Suicide
As I mentioned earlier, I have a few businesses with my hubby, Keith. Two of them are MLMs. I enjoy discussing and training on strategies to build your business. What works and doesn’t work.
At this time in my life, I’m experiencing the empty nest. My kids have their own lives. It’s hard to find the balance between showing respect for their space and missing them like crazy! If my house was big enough and if they were willing, I’d live like the Waltons –all under one roof!
Above all and included in these topics is the truth the God loves every one of us. His love is unconditional. I’m not religious. To me, religion is a list of do’s and don’ts. It’s doing things because you have to. It paints a picture of an angry god sitting on a throne judging people.
I am all about relationships… with God, my family and my friends. God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. My faith in Him is what has given me my third chance at life. Relationship paints a completely different picture.
#GodLoves #Relationship #Faith
For each topic I’ve placed a “#” sign in front of it. Please comment below on the topics you would like to hear more about. Or email me at Tammy@TLRPublishing.com
|Michael T Scanzello @ 2017-02-05 15:28:19|
|#whypeoplestayinabsuiverelationships My wife went through that maybe that is hwy it resonated with me. Overall you have a strong voice for the mental health community. I would say focus in on your two or three biggest mental health issues you overcame and talk about that and how you can help people suffering now to overcome it too.|
|Valerieflult @ 2017-02-05 15:28:05|
|An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who has been doing a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me breakfast due to the fact that I discovered it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this topic here on your web page. <a href=http://www.dealhint.eu/>business for sale</a> www.dealhint.eu|
Several years ago a rheumatologist diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which is closely related to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Many nights I sleep for a couple of hours then I’m woken from pain. I toss and turn in frustration for hours. As the sun spreads its fingers of dawn across the horizon I tend to fall asleep for a few more hours.
The Rheumatologist that diagnosed me gave me some key points to healthy sleep hygiene. These tips have really helped me to have a better sleep… when I remember to do them (brain fog and memory problems come hand in hand with both of those diagnoses.)
1– Warm bath 1/2 hour to 1 hour before going to bed. It’s important not to have the water too hot. It’s also important not to go to bed immediately after the bath. The bath water elevates our body temperature which works against having a good sleep.
2– Read a boring book in a chair –not in bed. There are two important fact here. One, is not to read something that is going to excite you. That is often my mistake. An interesting book is going to make you want to stay awake and read longer. Also, it’s important to sit in a chair –not a comfy one, either! The idea here, is to subconsciously get your body to want to go to bed to sleep.
3– No TV in your bedroom. This is like reading a good book. When you get engulfed in a good TV show or movie, it will make you want to stay awake, and not sleep. Even if you put on the “sleep” mode, having the noise of the TV in the background will actually wake you and keep you in a light sleep and not promote a deep and restful sleep.
4– Do not use electronic devices for 1/2 hour to 1 hour before going to sleep. This is also related to the last point. The light that emits from TVs and electronic devices will keep us awake and alert. This is the exact opposite of what we’re looking to do.
5– Set a time to go to bed regularly. Many wait until they feel “sleepy” before going to bed. My doctor said it is better to set a time and make the choice to go to bed at that time. Developing a schedule subconsciously trains your body to expect to go to sleep at a certain time.
Here is an example of a healthy bedtime routine:
10:00 –Warm bath
10:30 –Read boring book in chair
11:00 –Get into bed and turn out the light
Finally, I have discovered a very helpful tool that I use almost every night. I have downloaded a FREE Meditation App. You can choose to listen to a guided meditation where a voice guides you into deep relaxation. Some people prefer not to have a voice guide them. There are many options, such as nature sounds, piano music, guitar music and many more.
The important thing to remember, if you use an app on an electronic device when going to sleep is to turn it over so the light from the face of the device is not visible. Even in the middle of the night, if you get some type of notification that lights up the screen, that will disturb your sleep.
I hope these tips on healthy sleep hygiene help you to have a wonderful and restful sleep. Do you have suggestions or tips to add? Please post your comments below. I’m eager to hear from you!
|Have you ever had an anxiety attack?
Ever feel like your chest is being crushed? Like you can't breathe? The symptoms are different for everyone. And, I've recently discovered that after managing anxiety attacks for years, they can suddenly present in a completely different way, catching you off guard.
Awareness is key. The good news is, once you realize you're having an anxiety attack, you CAN manage it!
Today, I am going to share with you my top 3 tools that have helped me cope with anxiety attacks for the last 7+ years. It works best when I do these 3 things together.
First, shock yourself. Splash cold water on your face. Put your hands and wrists under cold running water. The extreme change in temperature to these sensitive parts of your body will shock your system and most often will be the catalyst to stop the attack.
Once I was a passenger in a car during a rain storm. I was trying to deal with the attack and had no means to running or cold water. So, I rolled down the window and put my hand out into the cold air and rain. It didn't stop the attack but it did help a lot,.
Second is redirection. Do something you enjoy. It could be watching TV or a movie; reading a book; or listening to music. The key here is to do something to get your mind off of the panic attack and onto something that will interest you. Obviously, if you're not a reader, picking up a book to read is not going to be the most effective choice. Most people enjoy at least one of the items I listed above. I'm fortunate to enjoy all of them!
The reason I take pleasure in TV, movies, books and music is because they are a means to transport me from my current situation to a virtual reality. During some of the most difficult times in my life I would lose myself in a good book. It allowed me to escape from my painful reality.
Finally, use scent. For me, I use essential oils. I carry a roll-on with me so when ever I have an attack I can roll it on my temples and my wrists. I did this when I was in the car, in the situation that I mentioned above. Then I continued to inhale the smell of the oils by bringing my wrist up to my nose and breathing in deeply. I don't understand why scent is such a strong sense, but it really is.
I am allergic to most perfumes, so that is one reason I carry my Doterra Essential Oil roll on with me. If you can wear perfume or cologne then you can carry that with you. Although, I do suggest essential oils, if you can, because of the health benefits. The oils get absorbed into your skin within seconds and can help calm you quite quickly.
When I do all 3 of these things together, I can work my way through most anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, there is no magic answer, and as far as I know, there is no "cure" for anxiety attacks. Hopefully, by sharing my top 3 tools for dealing with anxiety, it will help you or someone you love in working through your own panic attacks.
It would mean a lot to me if you would comment below. Feel free to share your tools and techniques for managing anxiety attacks.
Until next Saturday... Cheers!
|Sheri Hawkins @ 2017-01-17 11:26:44|
|Great tools, Tammy! I totally agree about the cold water. That has always been the thing to work for me. I also use DoTerra Serenity. Love the blogs, keep them coming! :)|
Welcome back! I'm so glad you've returned.
Do you realize how much power is in our perspective? Is it possible to go from hating something to loving it?
It is! I know because that has happened to me! What was it that I hated? Football. Now, before you roll your eyes and skip ahead, be patient... there is a really strong lesson to be learned here.
In order to explain I will bear my heart to you. In my first marriage my husband loved sports. There's nothing wrong with that (in fact, now I love sports too!) The problem was (and I don't mean to put him down) he spent so much time watching sports -and mostly football- that I felt it was more important to him than I was.
I felt that he'd rather spend time watching football than spending it with me. I was jealous. I literally felt like it was "the other woman" in his life. I despised it. I also didn't understand the rules of the game, so that didn't help.
To back up a bit, in the beginning of our marriage I tried to find common ground. I learned about baseball. I went to games, we played in a co-ed league together, I played in a women's league and I even kept score for the team that he played on. I really tried to share in his love of sports.
But I just couldn't do it with football. It's not what caused our marriage to break up, but it did cause a lot of hurt in my life and it did drive a wedge between us. So, you see, I really hated it!
There was a 2 year period where I was single. During that time, God healed me from many hurts, including the rejection I felt from my first husband. For the first time in my life I began to explore things and see what I really liked and didn't like.
You know the movie "The Runaway Bride"? I was like her. I took my coffee whatever way was convenient for the person I was with. I didn't know if I enjoyed being outdoors or not. I didn't know if I liked sports or not. So, I really got to know myself.
I discovered that I really enjoyed baseball and hockey. Even while living alone I would watch the games on TV. I even joined a baseball league again. I still wasn't ready to give football a chance -I didn't understand the game anyway. And to be honest, there was still some bitterness and resentment there.
So, along comes the man of my dreams... my sould mate... Keith! And guess what? He loves sports! The difference is he leaves no doubt in my mind that I am far more important to him than any sports game.
After awhile, I explained why I hated football. He had been confused about my dislike for it when I so passionately enjoyed baseball and hockey. Once I explained he understood. Very gently he asked if I would consider learning the rules of the game. Would I be open to exploring the idea that it could become something that we could enjoy together?
What a difference! When I had the confidence in his love and affection, instead of competing for attention, I found myself wanting to learn more. It's a much more complex game in my mind, but that gives it an added dimension of competition -and I'm a very competative person!
Keith & I were blessed to go to a Buffalo Bills game a few years ago. It was the best sporting event I've ever been to! I can't wait to go again! Some day, I hope to have season tickets to the Bills!
What a change! Isn't that amazing? And the only thing that really changed was MY perspective! In my first marriage football was something I felt threatened by and in my second marriage it is something I embrace as enjoyable time with my hubby. Although, I confess I also watch it when he's at work!
How does this apply to you? Is there something in your life that has been bothering you? Is there something that is holding you back? Maybe it's a person that just drives you crazy.
May I suggest you try looking at the situation with a different perspective? I hope this story that I've shared will help you gain a more positive perspective in some area of your life.
Please share your comment below. Or if you have a similar example of how changing your perspective helped you, please share with us.
Until next week... cheers!
The answer is simple: one bite at a time!
I got the idea from a book by the late Brian Klemmer, called "Eating the Elephant One Bite at a Time". It's a fabulous book! In fact, every book of his that I've read has been fabulous.
Why am I writing about eating elephants on New Year's Eve, 2016? Because I realize that a lot of people get discouraged when they consider the new year. Is that you? Maybe you don't see it as a time to re-set and have a fresh start. Do you see the changes you want to make in 2017 as a huge elephant and have no idea how to reach your goals?
Most of us have set New Year's Resolutions and not completed them. In fact, I heard that most people have given up on them by the 17th of January. I know I'm guilty. Are you?
When I was considering what to write in this blog, I asked myself, "How can I help change the world?" The answer: the same way I can eat an elephant. One bite at a time; or, one step at a time.
So, this year, instead of making grandiose resolutions that we probably won't keep, what if we make one small change? Once we succeed at that, we can make another small change, later in the year. And then another, and another.
During my life, I've had some huge obstacles to overcome and I've learned that what works for me is breaking it down into small manageable parts. I think this is a good way to look at the new year as well.
Back to changing the world... if this blog inspires you to make one small change, that may inspire someone else to make a small change, and so on. It's the "ripple effect" like when you throw a stone into the water and the ripples spread out across the surface.
I'm just one person. At this point I can't cause a huge change on a lot of people, but I can make a small impact on a few people, who can impact others.
Will you be one of those people? I'd love it if you would post a comment about your one small change that you're going to make this year in the comment section below.
I wish you all a very happy New Year. May 2017 be filled with love, health and happiness for each one of you!
You may recognize that line. It's from a Christmas song.
Is it true in your life? It is in mine. Christmas has different meanings to different people. I wouldn't want to let this season go by without sharing my thoughts on Christmas.
I've alluded to it in previous blogs, but this is an opportunity for me to share true love with you. To me, Christmas is a celebration of Love. I believe God is Love. I celebrate the birth of Jesus, being fully God and fully man... how is that possible? I have no idea!
But I do believe that Jesus saw us (mankind) wallowing in our sin and chose to leave His seat in Heaven to be born as a baby and grow up among us. He felt the pain and heartache that we've all felt. He probably has asked the same questions we've asked, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Why did that person have to die?" "Why did they hurt me?"
His whole purpose in this adventure of His was to take the punishment for our sin, so we would have the choice to be forgiven and live a life abundantly and free. It's the greatest love ever known!
So, back to the title.... "Love knows no season..." As 2016 comes to an end and we look forward to the New Year, I hope this blog will encourage you to do two things:
1- To get to know the babe in the manger of the Christmas story
2- To spread His love to everyone you come in contact with this coming year!
Merry Christmas to all!
Please post your comments about your Christmas celebrations this year!
Welcome back! Thanks for joining us as we discuss the commercialization of Christmas.
What do you think about it?
Christmas is my favorite time of the year. To me, it's about giving. I love to give all year round, but Christmas seems to be a time when everyone is giving, merry and bright. It's also a time when most of us are focused on peace on earth.
If you ask me the question, "Is Christmas commercialized?" my answer would be, "That's a question that only you can answer."
It's really a heart issue. Why do you give gifts? Do you want to give the most gifts? Do you want to give the most expensive gift? Do you need that latest version of the newest device? If your answers to those questions are yes , then it sounds like you've commercialized Christmas.
But if you answered no, then maybe Christmas is still sacred to you. I love spending the time getting to know my family and finding out what is important to each of them.
When Christmas time rolls around I start to research on those things that they've been chatting about all year long. I find that special something that will show them that I listen when they're talking about things. I pay attention to what's important to them. And, of course, the reason I do that is because they are important to me.
That's part of the joy of Christmas. Then there is the anticipation of giving that perfect gift and the joy on their faces when they open it. I love having my family all together, chaos and all! The more the merrier!
So, what's your favorite part of Christmas? Is there some tradition that your family keeps? My Grandma would always give us a stocking with an orange in the toe and a can of pop in the heel. I've switched from the healthy orange to a chocolate orange, but I've maintained that tradition. My other Grandma always gave us a box of thin mints. That's something that my family can always count on me for as well.
Please post your comments below. I look forward to reading them.
Thank you for joining us for week number 2 of my Blog, as I promised.
How was your week? Did you do something new last week after reading my blog? I hope you did! Please post your comments below last weeks blog. I'm eager to read them!
Today, I realize Christmas is only 2 1/2 weeks away. And right after that we bring in the New Year. I'm big on setting goals -healthy, realistic, timely goals that I can reach. Goals that I write down and revisit. Like Eric Worre says, "Plan, Do, Review". I wouldn't be nearly as successful as I am today if I hadn't followed that path.
So, when it comes to the end of the year, I like to "review" my year and compare myself to where I was last year at this time. What did I do that made me a better person, or more su cessful in my business, or closer to my family? What did I do that caused problems, or stress, that I don't want to repeat?
Then I make a "Plan" for next year. I think it's wise to break it into three parts:
*Yearly *Quarterly *Monthly
After I write down my goals/ "Plan" in these three sections I "Do" my plan. See how it works. Then we're back to review... don't wait until next December to review! lol Review on a Monthly, Quarterly and Yearly basis. Tweak your plan and improve a little more each time.
One of the most important factors is to write your goals down on paper! It makes them real. It makes you feel more accountable, and organized and purposed.
Having said that, when I think of my yearly goal, I usually attach one word to the coming year. For example, the word for 2016 was PEACE. Looking back, I'm so amazed that with everything that we went through, we were filled with an amazing sense of peace. We've had a year from hell in our finances, yet we had peace and happiness. Keith and I grew closer to each other as husband and wife. My health improved. I accomplished my life long dream of publishing my book! Sometiimes life was crazy-busy and stressful, but through it all, I was at peace. It's been an amazing year!
The word for 2017 is "Epic". Hense the title of #THEYEAROFBEINGEPIC. Not only is 2017 going to be an epic year, but I AM going to be EPIC this year!
I hope you'll take some action after reading this blog and write out your yearly, quarterly and monthly goals. That's your plan. Then do them; review them; tweak them and make a new plan. Follow the cycle: Plan/Do/Review.... it works!
Please take a moment and write your word for 2017 in the comment section below. If you'd like to share a goal, that would be wonderful too!
Right now I'm working on building my weekly email list. I'll be sending emails out, starting on December 19th with updates about the progress of my debut book. If you haven't heard about it yet, please click on "My Book" tab and read about it. It's called, Nameless ~A Story of Faith. If you haven't signed up to receive my weekly emails, please click on "Contact Me" and send me your info so you can be included on December 19th!
If you haven't ordered your copy of Nameless ~A Story of Faith, please click on "Shop" and pre-purchase yours today, and maybe one as a gift for a friend! You will be helping me reach my goal of 200 pre-sales by January 1st, which will pay for the printing of the book. My new release date is January 16th. Thank you so much! I can't do it without the support of my friends, family and followers!
Thank you for reading my blog today. I hope you'll share it with your friends and come back next Saturday to read my thoughts on Christmas! Be well, my friends,
Welcome to my Blog page!
I love taking on new challenges. As the quote goes, "If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you." (Anonymous)
So, this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, called "My Blog". I'm currently taking an on-line course to learn the basics of blogging.
My goal is to Blog once a week... probably Monday. I love Monday's because.... well, actually, that might be the topic of my next Blog! lol
One thing I need to look into is jargon. Is it okay to put "lol" and other acronyms in a Blog? Does the word "Blog" get capitalized in the middle of a sentence?
As you can tell, I definitely need to learn how to do this. One thing my parents taught me is when you do something, do it to my very best ability.
I look forward to communicating with you through this Blog (or is it "blog"?) site.
Please leave a comment below. I will personally read and pray over every comment.
Although, I rarely drink alcohol, I love the phrase "Cheers" as it means "Let's celebrate"... at least that's what it means to me! lol. So...
|Tammy Robinson @ 2016-11-13 11:38:41|
|Check out this blog!|
Thank you so much for joining me in my “on-line home”. This is a place where we will be inspired and encouraged together.
I’m just learning how to blog, so please be patient with me. I’m hoping the learning curve is not too drastic! Lol.
Thankfully, our Heavenly Father has blessed me with an optimistic outlook on life. If you know some of the tragedies and traumatic events I’ve been through, you will understand what I mean when I say that no matter how dark my situation seems, I have peace because I know that my Saviour is always with me. He will NEVER leave me!
Some days I’ve been laying face down on the floor, my body heaving with sobs as my heartbreak pours out of me, and I feel as if I cannot possibly go on. It’s in those times –like the poem, “Footprints” says, -that Jesus carries me. It’s in those times when I picture myself sitting on His lap, like a little girl sitting on her Daddy’s lap, with His strong arms around me, comforting me and soothing me. He will give me strength to go on.
And He will give you the strength to go on as well. I trust that when you visit me here you will be encouraged. I look forward to your comments on my Blog as well as your feedback on my book, Nameless ~A Story of Faith.
I look forward to our journey together.